Having cancer and getting cancer treatment is very time consuming. Here I am waiting at the chemo unit. I have already waited at the blood lab and the Dr's office. A 1:15 appointment can easily get us home at 6:30 pm. I do this every Tuesday afternoon now. I am thankful for the series by Stieg Larsson, starting with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It has made the waiting easier.

Today I am writing from the chemo therapy treatment center. I have passed the half way point in my treatment. I have finished 3 months of Adriamycin Cytoxan and have started my 12 weekly treatments of Taxol. I have completed 3 and have 9 to go.

The most remarkable thing about coming to the treatment center is seeing the strength of the human spirit in the other patients. They are incredible people. In the presence of the other patients I feel humble and fortunate. I am reminded each week how lucky I am.

I spend Tuesday afternoons with an invisible population. You will not find them walking down the street, at work or at the store. They are sick with every kind of cancer you can imagine, many with grim prospects. I remember the first time I saw them, before I joined them and I still felt separate, different from "them". I realized the breadth of the population receiving cancer treatment. It is like going to the Department of Motor vehicles, but you go all the time and you never get your license.

They are bald, have wigs, walkers, canes and wheelchairs, or no outward sign of illness at all, and are being subjected to the most rigorous treatments. I overhear conversations regularly regarding treatment and prognosis, but I never hear complaining. I hear hope, I hear planning, I hear strength in the face of the cruelest tumors and treatments. They will not give in. They will not give up. They are amazing.

I also see the friends and families of the patients: daughters with mothers, husbands with wives, younger generations helping older generations, neighbors helping neighbors. Patience. Kindness. Almost no one is alone, pairs of people, one sick, one well, navigating the halls, the waiting rooms, the treatment center. I have been lucky and Dave has been able to accompany me to all my chemo therapy appointments so far. I also know that should he not be able to go one week, I have a "go to" list of volunteers. I will never have to face the prospect of going alone.

I no longer feel out of place in the clinics and waiting rooms, occasionally I will sense someone is visiting for the first time and I am reminded how I felt on my first visit, when everything was strange and unfamiliar.

Having cancer changes you...but in ways you couldn't have imagined.

How fun was that!

For quite some time now I have been aggravated by what could only be described as head stubble, the combined result of electric clippers and most of my hair falling out, but of course, not all of it. The result seemed mangy and sharp, like fine gauge wires poking out of my head at uneven intervals. It really bugged me, so I decided I needed a shave, with a razor. A little scary to say the least but that is how I ended up at Valentine's, Men's Grooming Salon. Old fashioned head shaving, like on TV, is apparently a dying art. After calling many local barbers, they all said the same thing, "Call Valentine".

So I did, and thankfully he agreed. From what I could tell, Valentine gave me a Classic Sirotski Shave, luxurious with heated shaving cream, rich with hot towels and a razor so sharp that in the end, my head shimmered like a pool on a hot day in Vegas, yet felt soft and smooth, like the petal of a flower. Wow, my head no longer felt like yesterday's spoiling leftovers, but something wonderful, the work of a craftsman.

The staff was welcoming, the other guests were kind, gracious and tolerant of my unexpected intrusion of their Mens Grooming Salon. Valentine was charming and we spent the afternoon discussing the neighborhood and where we were 17 years ago, when at 22, he opened his first business only doors from my house.... and where we have been since. How fun was that. I left with the feeling that I had both discovered an old friend, and made a new one at the same time.

To Valentine and his staff, thanks for taking in a stray, and discovering she cleans up pretty well. My plan for my life never included a Sirotski Shave, but I'm willing to bet I haven't had my last.

http://www.valentinesseattle.com/index.php

Now We Know

Now we know.

I have a good head, at least that is what everyone says. Apparently infancy was kind to me and I am free of flat spots and other unsightly imperfections. I have to admit, I never thought about the possibility of a bad head.

Hair is incredibly practical, warm in cold weather, nature's sunblock, wash and wear. Without it, you must resort to "hair options", like my alpaca cap above. It is very soft and warm on a cold morning, however adding a coordinating head covering additionally complicates getting dressed, an unwelcome development.


I also have a wide variety of Buffs, versatile, practical, breathable. Just like on Survivor, but I only wear them on my head, never as apparel. More color coordinating.


And for special occasions or to look "normal", a wig. I know this is a fancy wig because it is from "Pierre", but it matches everything, no color coordinating necessary. Grey is the new black.

Now, along with the knowledge that I have a good head, I have a new and profound respect for bald men. I have walked a mile in their shoes.

Best Birthday Present Ever

In spite of my TWO invitations to join AARP, under separate names even, I am having a wonderful Birthday. I am apparently still a person of record under my maiden name in at least one database. I may still be single in their eyes, but they haven't skimped on my age. If you don't know what AARP stands for, you're luckier than you know.

By some miracle, my hair, although short, is still going strong on my Birthday. That is the best Birthday present ever! Aside from the obvious issues surrounding hair loss, it feels like a loss of privacy. As long as I have my hair, I can pass as a "normal" person, sharing my health issues with only those I choose. After it is gone, that will be more difficult and I will be a cancer patient in the eyes of strangers, but still a prospective member in the eyes of AARP.

Really? An Rx?

Really? An Rx? For a wig? Yes, that's how it's done. I'm not sure I would describe myself as a wig person and I'm not sure how I feel about the hair thing, but I will need to find a solution soon. I am living temporarily in a state of grace because I still have my hair, but I have already swallowed the poison pill so my Clairol days are numbered. In the end, it doesn't matter how I feel about it, it will be gone soon. Scarves?
Perhaps if I were traveling incognito as a special agent, not very likely.
A turban? I will have lost my hair, not my mind.

I still have a little time.....Britney Spears? Sinnead O'Connor? and me?

Quick Medical Update

I had chemotherapy on Tuesday, March 9th and consequently have spent the last week not venturing far from the couch. I may have naively thought I could manage a quick post during this period of "leisure", but I was wrong. The Doctor reports I tolerated the treatment well, but I think that is a matter of opinion.

I felt crummy, but the nausea was reasonably well controlled. I received 3 drugs to prevent nausea and two more to treat any which developed. I was also given an injection of Neulasta to accelerate the rebuilding of my blood cells. I know it is working because now I have the accompanying bone pain of white blood cells stampeding down my marrow and rushing the exits like a theater on fire. The price of progress in cancer treatment.

I expect things to improve over the next two weeks, if you don't consider hair with a short timer's attitude anything to worry about. One down, three to go.

Big Book of Cancer

This is what I call my Big Book of Cancer. It is a folder I received on my first visit to the surgeon's office. I have jammed it full of all the paperwork, appointment schedules, pathology reports, New England Journal of Medicine abstracts and physical therapy exercises since my diagnosis. It is like a cancer pee chee, but without the times tables, no cheating at cancer.

Here is the link to the article which details my treatment:
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/reprint/358/16/1663.pdf
It is easier to "understand" if you know that my cancer is ER/PR positive (estrogen progesterone) and Her2-neu negative and the cancer is stage 2; T1, N1.

I start my chemotherapy on March 9th and I get my port-a-cath, gateway to my heart, tomorrow. For those of you not familiar with this device, it is placed under the skin and allows chemotherapy to be administered without an IV. It is day surgery, so no overnight stay at the spa-ospital is required. The proximity of the port to the heart, enables it to circulate the medication quickly.

I have recently expanded my mind with Glee Season 1, Dexter Seasons 1 and 2, 30 Rock Season 2 and The Office Season 5. Next up, Dexter Season 3 and 30 Rock Season 3. I also watched the Olympics every single day, yikes! Shaun White is unreal. Don't forget the Oscars on Sunday night, March 7th and I hope it is always sunny in the Meadowlands.