Having cancer and getting cancer treatment is very time consuming. Here I am waiting at the chemo unit. I have already waited at the blood lab and the Dr's office. A 1:15 appointment can easily get us home at 6:30 pm. I do this every Tuesday afternoon now. I am thankful for the series by Stieg Larsson, starting with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It has made the waiting easier.

Today I am writing from the chemo therapy treatment center. I have passed the half way point in my treatment. I have finished 3 months of Adriamycin Cytoxan and have started my 12 weekly treatments of Taxol. I have completed 3 and have 9 to go.

The most remarkable thing about coming to the treatment center is seeing the strength of the human spirit in the other patients. They are incredible people. In the presence of the other patients I feel humble and fortunate. I am reminded each week how lucky I am.

I spend Tuesday afternoons with an invisible population. You will not find them walking down the street, at work or at the store. They are sick with every kind of cancer you can imagine, many with grim prospects. I remember the first time I saw them, before I joined them and I still felt separate, different from "them". I realized the breadth of the population receiving cancer treatment. It is like going to the Department of Motor vehicles, but you go all the time and you never get your license.

They are bald, have wigs, walkers, canes and wheelchairs, or no outward sign of illness at all, and are being subjected to the most rigorous treatments. I overhear conversations regularly regarding treatment and prognosis, but I never hear complaining. I hear hope, I hear planning, I hear strength in the face of the cruelest tumors and treatments. They will not give in. They will not give up. They are amazing.

I also see the friends and families of the patients: daughters with mothers, husbands with wives, younger generations helping older generations, neighbors helping neighbors. Patience. Kindness. Almost no one is alone, pairs of people, one sick, one well, navigating the halls, the waiting rooms, the treatment center. I have been lucky and Dave has been able to accompany me to all my chemo therapy appointments so far. I also know that should he not be able to go one week, I have a "go to" list of volunteers. I will never have to face the prospect of going alone.

I no longer feel out of place in the clinics and waiting rooms, occasionally I will sense someone is visiting for the first time and I am reminded how I felt on my first visit, when everything was strange and unfamiliar.

Having cancer changes you...but in ways you couldn't have imagined.

How fun was that!

For quite some time now I have been aggravated by what could only be described as head stubble, the combined result of electric clippers and most of my hair falling out, but of course, not all of it. The result seemed mangy and sharp, like fine gauge wires poking out of my head at uneven intervals. It really bugged me, so I decided I needed a shave, with a razor. A little scary to say the least but that is how I ended up at Valentine's, Men's Grooming Salon. Old fashioned head shaving, like on TV, is apparently a dying art. After calling many local barbers, they all said the same thing, "Call Valentine".

So I did, and thankfully he agreed. From what I could tell, Valentine gave me a Classic Sirotski Shave, luxurious with heated shaving cream, rich with hot towels and a razor so sharp that in the end, my head shimmered like a pool on a hot day in Vegas, yet felt soft and smooth, like the petal of a flower. Wow, my head no longer felt like yesterday's spoiling leftovers, but something wonderful, the work of a craftsman.

The staff was welcoming, the other guests were kind, gracious and tolerant of my unexpected intrusion of their Mens Grooming Salon. Valentine was charming and we spent the afternoon discussing the neighborhood and where we were 17 years ago, when at 22, he opened his first business only doors from my house.... and where we have been since. How fun was that. I left with the feeling that I had both discovered an old friend, and made a new one at the same time.

To Valentine and his staff, thanks for taking in a stray, and discovering she cleans up pretty well. My plan for my life never included a Sirotski Shave, but I'm willing to bet I haven't had my last.

http://www.valentinesseattle.com/index.php

Now We Know

Now we know.

I have a good head, at least that is what everyone says. Apparently infancy was kind to me and I am free of flat spots and other unsightly imperfections. I have to admit, I never thought about the possibility of a bad head.

Hair is incredibly practical, warm in cold weather, nature's sunblock, wash and wear. Without it, you must resort to "hair options", like my alpaca cap above. It is very soft and warm on a cold morning, however adding a coordinating head covering additionally complicates getting dressed, an unwelcome development.


I also have a wide variety of Buffs, versatile, practical, breathable. Just like on Survivor, but I only wear them on my head, never as apparel. More color coordinating.


And for special occasions or to look "normal", a wig. I know this is a fancy wig because it is from "Pierre", but it matches everything, no color coordinating necessary. Grey is the new black.

Now, along with the knowledge that I have a good head, I have a new and profound respect for bald men. I have walked a mile in their shoes.

Best Birthday Present Ever

In spite of my TWO invitations to join AARP, under separate names even, I am having a wonderful Birthday. I am apparently still a person of record under my maiden name in at least one database. I may still be single in their eyes, but they haven't skimped on my age. If you don't know what AARP stands for, you're luckier than you know.

By some miracle, my hair, although short, is still going strong on my Birthday. That is the best Birthday present ever! Aside from the obvious issues surrounding hair loss, it feels like a loss of privacy. As long as I have my hair, I can pass as a "normal" person, sharing my health issues with only those I choose. After it is gone, that will be more difficult and I will be a cancer patient in the eyes of strangers, but still a prospective member in the eyes of AARP.

Really? An Rx?

Really? An Rx? For a wig? Yes, that's how it's done. I'm not sure I would describe myself as a wig person and I'm not sure how I feel about the hair thing, but I will need to find a solution soon. I am living temporarily in a state of grace because I still have my hair, but I have already swallowed the poison pill so my Clairol days are numbered. In the end, it doesn't matter how I feel about it, it will be gone soon. Scarves?
Perhaps if I were traveling incognito as a special agent, not very likely.
A turban? I will have lost my hair, not my mind.

I still have a little time.....Britney Spears? Sinnead O'Connor? and me?

Quick Medical Update

I had chemotherapy on Tuesday, March 9th and consequently have spent the last week not venturing far from the couch. I may have naively thought I could manage a quick post during this period of "leisure", but I was wrong. The Doctor reports I tolerated the treatment well, but I think that is a matter of opinion.

I felt crummy, but the nausea was reasonably well controlled. I received 3 drugs to prevent nausea and two more to treat any which developed. I was also given an injection of Neulasta to accelerate the rebuilding of my blood cells. I know it is working because now I have the accompanying bone pain of white blood cells stampeding down my marrow and rushing the exits like a theater on fire. The price of progress in cancer treatment.

I expect things to improve over the next two weeks, if you don't consider hair with a short timer's attitude anything to worry about. One down, three to go.

Big Book of Cancer

This is what I call my Big Book of Cancer. It is a folder I received on my first visit to the surgeon's office. I have jammed it full of all the paperwork, appointment schedules, pathology reports, New England Journal of Medicine abstracts and physical therapy exercises since my diagnosis. It is like a cancer pee chee, but without the times tables, no cheating at cancer.

Here is the link to the article which details my treatment:
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/reprint/358/16/1663.pdf
It is easier to "understand" if you know that my cancer is ER/PR positive (estrogen progesterone) and Her2-neu negative and the cancer is stage 2; T1, N1.

I start my chemotherapy on March 9th and I get my port-a-cath, gateway to my heart, tomorrow. For those of you not familiar with this device, it is placed under the skin and allows chemotherapy to be administered without an IV. It is day surgery, so no overnight stay at the spa-ospital is required. The proximity of the port to the heart, enables it to circulate the medication quickly.

I have recently expanded my mind with Glee Season 1, Dexter Seasons 1 and 2, 30 Rock Season 2 and The Office Season 5. Next up, Dexter Season 3 and 30 Rock Season 3. I also watched the Olympics every single day, yikes! Shaun White is unreal. Don't forget the Oscars on Sunday night, March 7th and I hope it is always sunny in the Meadowlands.

Cooks and Books

While on the Liberace Couch, I have been the recipient of incredible generosity by Seattle's most accomplished cooks. One afternoon, several dinners arrived with accompanying graphics. Although you can see what we had for dessert, I chose not to post the graphics for the lamb meatballs or the lemon garlic chicken, in consideration of the vegetarians in our audience. It was all delicious. Many thanks to my kitchen angels who are keeping our household well fed and running smoothly.

I recently read "Open" by Andre Agassi, the first book in along time that was not read primarily on an airplane. Yes, it is all here; tennis, hair weaving, tennis, Brooke Shields, tennis, taking drugs, tennis, tennis, tennis, and eventually Steffi Graf and redemption. I recommend this book to anyone who likes to read about tennis, and can tolerate the occasional people magazine. Andre Agassi, the man-child, plays many tennis greats; Pete Sampras, Jim Courier, Pete Sampras, Boris Becker, Pete Sampras, Michael Chang and Pete Sampras. You get the idea, or maybe you remember, like I do.

I also chose it in part because Agassi was assisted in the writing by J.R. Moehringer, author of "The Tender Bar", his own heartbreaking memoir. Moehringer is a wonderful author and writer who helped Agassi tell his story in his own voice. In the end, revealing in the the self accepting individual previously obscured by the insecure youth.

Technology Note - First Blog with text interspersed with photos, in addition, I am now the Master of the remote control. You can see I haven't been wasting my time.

Medical Update - The Long View

I am apparently not a prolific blogger as it has been several days since my last update. I attribute this to my being busy resting, visiting with friends and a general lack of follow through. In addition, although writing a blog is not a huge technological undertaking, I have already accidentally erased several entries prior to posting them. I'm bound to improve.

Here is an update on the treatment I have been told I will be having after I recover from my surgery.

Chemotherapy: I will have 4 chemotherapy treatments, each 3 weeks apart. This will take 12 weeks (3 months). This will be followed by 12 additional chemotherapy treatments, once a week for 3 months, for a total of 6 months of chemotherapy. If I were a Math Major I probably could have explained that better, like a story problem. I am told that the weekly chemotherapy is usually easier to tolerate and can be fairly compatible with normal life. I hope they are right.

Radiation Therapy: Happily, at this moment, I don't expect to have any.

You can see it will not be business as usual for me anytime soon. However, I will have plenty of time to post every ridiculous idea I have ever had on this Blog.

I do want to point out that this is not a Blog about Cancer. I have learned almost nothing about the subject since my diagnosis. I have conducted not one web search about Breast Cancer and not read any books on the subject. I don't expect to become an expert. All those activities are time consuming and time is the one thing I resent giving to Cancer, the one thing I won't get back.

You can be confident I am working my way through treatment, having good days and bad, following the arc of my treatment plan and my Dr's instructions. For the studious ones, I will try to post the link to the JAMA article with details about about my specific chemotherapy protocol. To be clear, it is not an article about me, but rather the article on which my treatment is based, DOH!

In the meantime, you will know where to find me, on my beautiful couch.

It's hard to find good help

I haven't found the staff on the Liberace Couch to be as efficient as the staff as Espresso Supply. Here you can see my new co-workers reviewing recent medical journals, reading the mail, and enjoying their Federally mandated break on the Liberace Couch.

Little buds insist, Spring is coming soon.

Spring comes early to the Liberace Couch.

With much of the country under a blanket of snow, I thought I'd share the springtime atmosphere on the Liberace Couch. The days are getting noticeably longer and I am enjoying the beautiful arrangements. Many thanks for my cheery decor.

I will admit I have not watched much television in recent years. I thought it would be like riding a bike, a skill you could always count on.

While I still have a demonstrated ability to sit in a semi-vegetative state for hours, it is my ability to operate the TV without assistance which is in question.

If there is one thing worse than laying on the Liberace Couch watching TV, it is laying on the Liberace Couch unable to watch TV and wishing you could unlock the secrets of the remote control. The path to all video entertainment runs through the remote.

Good Grief! How has this become so incredibly complicated?
I might just go back to reading.....with my new reading glasses.

Comedy Central

Passing the time with comedians.

Home from the Spa-ospital

Home from the spa-ospital. Room 307 was comfortable with many charming attendants, not the least of which was my new friend, who wheeled me out.

News from room 307 SW

Just got off the phone with Laura. She's planning on leaving the hospital shortly. She sounds great, Dave said she looks great! - Tracie

Out of Surgery

Dave called just a bit ago, and said Laura is out of surgery. He'll be able to see her once they bring her up to her room. Will let you know more as we find out! - Tracie

Too Ridiculous

This couch is ridiculous and I that is why I like it.

It is a 30 year old, blue velvet couch in pristine condition, the result of a life lived under plastic. I purchased it hoping for some MadMen ambiance, only to discover it's true style was closer to Liberace.

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and have decided to make this ridiculous couch my headquarters for the duration. Tomorrow, February 2nd, I will have surgery, with the presumption of radiation and chemo therapy to follow.

I am sure you have many questions; "Why would you ever buy a couch like this? How do you know it's 30 years old? Are you insane?" All in good time.

In the meantime, the Liberace Couch waits in my living room, for me to return and take up residence. From it's tufted comfort, I will keep you updated on all matters serious, mundane, and most importantly, ridiculous.